Home > music, musings > Letter to Marian Call

Letter to Marian Call

To Marian Call (her website):

I had an epiphany, recently, that rocked my reality matrix.

I realized that I was really a woman and I had only been dreaming that I was a man. In my dream, I was a tall married man in his 40s (six and a half feet with glasses and a pot belly)  with 4 kids, a wife (I had met in college), two shelties, a garden, and a good job. It was so odd and realistic that I could not, for a little while figure out which was the reality and which was the dream.

Finally, I did realize that I was awake and that the “family man” was the dream. I am a divorced woman in her 30s (ok, I’m 38) with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology (working on my Masters), several really good friends, and recently I got a job modeling for a woman’s clothing store. The pay is not great, but it pays the bills while I work on my education.

After work, I went out to meet some girlfriends for a night of dancing at a club. Along the way I was listening to your bootleg CD and I realized that your music spoke to me on more of a basic level than just entertainment – you gave words to my feelings, almost like you know me. I, too, am a geek. I love Firefly, HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy, science, scifi, and get along well with computers, though I don’t fix them. It struck me to let you know that I really like your music and promote you to all my friends.

After clubbing, I bid my friends good night and walked back towards home, passing my store along the way (I don’t have a car). Sitting in the chairs the boss leaves out in front of the store, I begin composing this letter to you.

I must have been sleepy because I woke later in my bed, not understanding how I got home. I sat up in the bed and looked at the clock. Realizing that it was time to get up, I stumbled out of bed and into the closet. Pulling the chain to switch on the light, I was confused. My dresses were not here, nor were my gowns, just button down shirts, khaki pants and jeans. Hearing something, looked to my right and saw my wife sleeping there in the bed – then my reality matrix reasserted itself, with an almost audible ‘pop.’

Your music speaks to both my masculine and my feminine sides with great power. You give voice to that part of me denied one, most of the time. I wanted to share this with you, so you can know that I am your fan – in this reality and that.

Categories: music, musings
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