Home > essay, musings > Too Old

Too Old

I, recently, turned 43, so I am declaring that I’m now too old to …

  1. Celebrate my birthday on more than one day
  2. Reminisce about college
  3. Reminisce about the college I never attended (Oh, Stanford … )
  4. Send cryptic messages to people via Facebook and Twitter
  5. Attend concerts featuring anyone who wasn’t born by the year I started college unless I am escorting a much younger family member
  6. Calling women “girls” on a regular basis
  7. Say or write “LOL”
  8. Call my father “daddy” or my mother “mommy”
  9. Spend more than one hour on the phone with a friend, unless they truly are in a crisis or I haven’t talked to them in over a year and need to catch up
  10. Have my parents pay my bills
  11. Consider my hair color to be a significant part of my identity
  12. Talk about how wasted I got last night, like having a hangover makes me cool
  13. Lay out in the sun without sunscreen
  14. Sit on anyone’s lap, unless you’re trying to fit five people in a taxi that sits four
  15. Wear glasses for “fashion” when I don’t have a prescription or vision issues

But I’ll never be too old to …

  1. Call my mom for advice
  2. Ask for someone’s help—financial, emotional, whatever—when I really need it.
  3. Discover my passion in life
  4. Eat breakfast for dinner
  5. Sleep in past 11 a.m.
  6. Nap
  7. Toss a Frisbee
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